This may come as a bit of a shock, but it's only right for you to know that you've been "indoctrinated" by the Muppets. Yes, as much as Jim Henson's crew of cuddly misfits might have appeared to want nothing more than to teach children how to count on "Sesame Street" or to make them laugh with G-rated humor, it turns out that Kermit and crew were a bunch of dirty, Commie pinkos all along.
The other night on Fox Business News' "Follow the Money," host Eric Bolling took to the airwaves to set the record straight: "The Muppets" is just another entry in a long string of Hollywood propaganda produced solely for the purpose of turning impressionable children against our country's down-trodden oil barons.
As noted by The Hollywood Reporter, media watchdog group Media Matters took offense to Mr. Bolling's stance on the furry, Marxist puppets. Apparently, the group didn't quite agree with Fox News' pointing out the obvious "liberal bias" of films that feature talking frogs and bears-turned-comedians. What else can anyone take away from a movie which features an oil tycoon as the main antagonist?
"Is liberal Hollywood using class warfare to brainwash our kids," asked Bolling, with a totally straight face. "Are there any Occupy Wall Street Muppets?"
According to Bolling's guest, Dan Rainor of Media Research Center, "There should be!" Rainor managed to say this without laughing, going on to mention that the message of "The Muppets" is exactly like the liberal message of "The Matrix."
This conversation between actual, human adults who are paid to be on television continued with fellow Fox News host Andrea Tantaros. "It's brainwashing…. I just wish liberals could leave little kids alone," she said. Tantaros then went on to ask why an imaginary, felt character animated by a person's hand couldn't get on food stamps if it was starving. That actually happened.
Of course, the humor of this conversation – where wealthy people ask why anyone would vilify wealthy people – taking place on a show called "Follow The Money" was absolutely lost on everyone involved.
What a huge shock to find out that through all the years, thinking these little characters just wanted to teach me about friendship, the Muppets were really just trying to indoctrinate me into a furry Red Army. Et tu, Sam the Eagle?