As we eagerly await the launch of the big screen version of “Battleship,” (okay, that’s a lie, we’re holding out for a brooding Kristen Stewart in the economic meltdown-themed thriller “Monopoly”), we couldn’t help but notice that “Star Trek” genius J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot shingle is developing a thriller based on the teenage party game “Seven Minutes in Heaven.”
Okay, we know there was already an indie flick called “Spin the Bottle” that came out in 2000 about five childhood friends getting together for a weekend of flirting and fighting. And Madonna technically lifted the title “Truth or Dare” for a concert film. But could rec room kissing games be the next hot genre now that sitcom remakes and toy-based flicks are hitting bottom? (Sorry “Small Wonder” and Wacky WallWalkers)
The premise of the “Heaven,” hatched from the mind of “Lost” writer/director Jack Bender, has two teens emerge from their heaven seven in the closet to find that all of their friends are dead! With that in mind, we have a few suggestions for a couple more potential teensploitation titles based on game room groping:
“Spin the Bottle”
Yeah, like we said, the title’s been used. In this new version, six California teens get together at a friend’s house – his parents are, of course, out of town -- to celebrate the end of senior year. Little does the group know that one of them is harboring a dark secret! She knows her boyfriend has been cheating on her and has slathered poison on her lips in order to slyly off him during an innocent game of STB. Only the bottle keeps landing on everyone but her target, and as the bodies start to fall the cheating boy gets wise to her scheme.
"Suck and Blow"
A potential sequel to "Spin the Bottle," only this time one of the kids has put poison on a playing card to get revenge on a cheerleading rival, but she accidentally kills her own boyfriend by mistake. Squirm along as she tries to pin the murder on her arch enemy!
“Never Have I Ever”
A horny group of teens at summer camp hike out to the woods to play an innocent game of “Never Have I Ever.” Guess what happens?
“Truth or Dare”
Three former high school sweetheart couples get together on the night before their 20th reunion. After too many rounds of drinks they decide to play a game of “Truth or Dare” for old time’s sake. Old romances are rekindled, hearts are broken anew and, what the hell, a few bodies end up in the pool.
We’re still working on this one. Rest assured though... bloody murder is the order of the day.