"Golf... golf... what kinda name is golf anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat."
--Randy Quaid, "Caddyshack II"
Leave it to "Caddyshack II" star Randy Quaid to sum up one of the all-time great sports in such an eloquent fashion. Joking aside, it's a wonderful time for golf enthusiasts everywhere as the 2010 Masters Tournament is currently underway. The leaderboard is filling up, Tiger Woods is back on the course and viewers at home are wondering exactly how everything is going to play out.
Luckily, there are some golf tournaments out there that don't require weeks of waiting to determine the final outcome — as long as you have a video player and two hours to spare, you can devour these five fictional competitions from the comfort of your own home!
Caddyshack: As if that initial Quaid quote didn't give it away, the "Caddyshack" films — yes, both of them — are two of the greatest golf movies of all time. It's hard to go wrong with a 1980s Harold Ramis-directed feature, but it's even more difficult when you have an all-star lineup like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray to back him up. The second film was memorable for different reasons, not the least of which being Quaid's turn as Peter Blunt, a man who doesn't need lawyers to scare you when he can threaten to eat your Golden Retriever.
Futurama: Into The Wild Green Yonder: Admittedly, this straight-to-DVD "Futurama" movie gets a place on the list thanks to the part it played in bringing the hilarious science fiction animated series back to life. In fact, in terms of golf movies, this isn't a particularly great one — the whole point is that Leo Wong wants to build the universe's largest miniature golf course, destroying a good chunk of galaxy and causing other sorts of chaos in the process. But hey, Bender on an intergalactic golf course. That's a high concept I can get behind.
The Greatest Game Ever Played: The true story of amateur golfer Francis Ouimet, "The Greatest Game Ever Played" really refers to one of the great underdog stories of all time. Shia LaBeouf plays Ouimet, a youth with virtually no shot at competing against professional golfers in the 1913 U.S. Open — but despite all odds, Ouimet not only performed, he actually won the tournament.
Happy Gilmore: Adam Sandler fans are often divided into two camps: those who liked "Billy Madison" more, and those who liked "Happy Gilmore" more. I certainly love them both, but it's impossible to deny the charm of "Gilmore" when you've got the wonderful Carl Weathers as Chubbs Peterson and the hilarious villainy of Christopher McDonald's Shooter McGavin, not to mention Ben Stiller's all-too-cruel orderly. I still laugh every single time I think about the Mister Mister Lady.
The Legend of Bagger Vance: Robert Redford, Will Smith, Matt Damon and Charlize Theron — with such a talented quartet on hand, "The Legend of Bagger Vance" could have been about a legendary garbage man and it would probably be compelling. As great as the golf scenes are, the real winner for me is Jack Lemmon's performance as an elderly Hardy Greaves, Vance's former caddy. It was Lemmon's final role before dying in 2001.
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