'Gone With The Wind'/Vampire Mash-Up Proves That Blood-Suckers Make Everything More Awesome

Forget the idea of retro-fitting old movies for 3-D, which sometimes reminds me too much of when Ted Turner thought it'd be a good idea to colorize classic films back in the mid-80s. Vampires are a much better trend. If you don't believe me, just check out the mash-up video "Gone with the Wind with Vampires," which takes the all-time top-grossing (adjusting for inflation) classic and tosses in a plot involving bloodsuckers. Rhett Butler as a Civil War-era Dracula? Or is he more like a 19th century Edward Cullen? Either way, it fits.

Here are five more classics that could be retro-fitted with vampires:

"Citizen Kane" (1941)
The original begins with the death of publishing tycoon Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) at the end of his life and works in flashbacks, as relayed through the investigation of a journalist. In the vampirized version, after the camera makes it's way up to the Xanadu mansion (which is reminiscent of Dracula's castle), a sleeping Kane is staked in the heart by an unseen assassin. The film then details the life of this dark figure through newsreels and interviews in an effort to discover his killer. Previously unknown to be a member of the undead, it now becomes clear that he was adopted into a vampire brotherhood by Walter Parks Thatcher and turned into a bloodsucker upon his 18th birthday. And doesn't it suddenly make sense why Kane would choose to run a newspaper, which would require him to be up all night?

"Casablanca" (1942)
Never mind that WWII backdrop, this is now a story of a city in North Africa taken over by vampires. For the most part they let the humans there function normally, as long as the undead are kept moderately fed via regular donations (and gambling losses). But if the humans attempt to flee Casablanca, the deal is off and the rampant bloodsucking begins. Keeping things somewhat in check is the neutral Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), nightclub owner and intermediary, who deals directly and indifferently with the head vampire, Renault (Claude Rains). That is until the one human he cares about shows up.

"The Night of the Hunter" (1955)
Not to be confused with the little-seen 2000 German film "Night of the Vampire Hunter," this classic drama about a murderer attempting to get his hands on stolen loot is now a simple story of a gang of vampires who ultimately surround a small farmhouse inhabited by an old woman and the children she watches over. Leading the stand-off on the vampire side is Harry Powell (Robert Mitchum), who has tattooed "LIVE" and "DEAD" on the knuckles of his right and left hands, respectively. After being seen biting the neck of their mother, he and his fellow vampires trail two kids to this farmhouse, only to meet their match in Lillian Gish.

"Midnight Cowboy" (1969)
A young naive bloodsucker comes to New York City in this vampirization of the initially X-rated Best Picture-winner. Thinking he could survive easily in the city that never sleeps, Joe Buck (Jon Voight) is no better at preying upon necks here than he was back home. Eventually he befriends another outcast vampire, "Ratso" Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman), and the two barely feed themselves due to their lack of hustling hunting skills. Finally, they head off to Florida, in the hopes their luck might change down south.

"Apocalypse Now" (1979)
During the Vietnam War, a U.S. Army captain, Willard (Martin Sheen), is sent on a mission into Cambodia to hunt down the rogue Col. Kurtz (Marlon Brando), who is suspected of having joined a tribe of savage vampires. First, we follow Captain Willard up river, hosted by the crew of a small Navy Patrol Boat, as they deal with nightly threats from both the Viet Cong and the undead. Finally, Willard reaches the vampire village that Kurtz now calls home, and the former Green Beret explains why he has chosen an immortal existence among the bloodsucking enemy. In a time of such madness and horror on the part of humans, is he really to be judged for his decision?

Tags apocalypse now, Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind, Midnight Cowby, Night of the Hunter