by Perri Nemiroff
Now that the candy is gone and the flowers have wilted, Promo Police is going to spread a little love by sparing you from suffering through unwarranted advertising.
Just picture a heart-shaped box of chocolates, but with the following inside instead: “The Crazies,” “Defendor,” “The Killer Inside Me,” “Kick-Ass,” “Despicable Me,” “Cop Out,” “Wall Street 2” and “Why Did I Get Married Too.” Now, imagine the beauty of not having to sift through that box blindly and bite into something that’s filled with something unexpectedly awful. Lemon buttercream, perhaps? The force has mapped out the sweet and the bitter, for your promo pleasure.
UK Quad: “The Crazies”
The Good: There’s nothing creepier than an ominous looking kid. Well, unless you put the terrifying tot in the middle of a threateningly desolate town.
The Bad: Apparently the folks in the UK don’t have an appreciation for gore like we do here in the states. This image is completely sans plasma, making it radically different from the domestic posters.
Promotional Power: At this point “The Crazies” has released so much promising material that the virus is in full effect. We’re totally infected and therefore insanely excited for this film. See it here.
The Good: Coming off of “Zombieland” and “The Messenger,” Woody Harrelson is at the top of his game. It’s a good thing I’m no villain up against Defendor; a jar of wasps would be my kryptonite.
The Bad: The yellow font with a black background is too reminiscent of “Watchmen.”
Promotional Power: You don’t need to be filthy rich or suffer a radioactive spider bite to be a successful crime fighter anymore. Between the promising trailer and cast, “Defendor” will undoubtedly benefit from “Kick-Ass,” which hits theaters just two weeks before “Defendor” is released on DVD. See it here.
Poster: “The Killer Inside Me”
The Good: The names stamped on the top.
The Bad: Is it just me or does Casey Affleck look like he had an accident? Affleck’s pose isn’t powerful enough to stand alone in this image.
Promotional Power: Very minimal, but after the Sundance backlash it won’t matter anyway.
Quick Fix: Make the word ‘killer’ red. See it here.
UK Poster: “Kick-Ass”
The Good: The big and bold title in the background is what makes this Hit Girl poster stand out from its domestic counterpart.
The Bad: I’m not trashing a poster featuring someone so adorable and deadly.
Promotional Power: This is a stellar piece of advertising. Not only is it bright and guaranteed to catch your attention, but upon closer examination it’s a visually stimulating image that gives you a taste of what you’ll get if you check out “Kick-Ass.” See it here.
International Trailer: “Despicable Me”
The Good: An adorable little animated creature is a powerful force. Gru’s minions are helping Universal achieve world domination through cutesy teaser trailers. All hope for humanity will be lost once these overall-wearing lima beans hit toy stores
The Bad: Are we ever going to find out what the film is actually about?
Promotional Power: Forget the movie; I want a minion! See it here.
Red Band Clip: “Cop Out”
The Good: The Cullen brothers (Robb and Mark, not the ones from “Twilight”) learned a very valuable lesson from Bobb’e J. Thompson: stuffing a kid’s mouth with dirty words and having him abuse an obnoxious adult is funny.
The Bad: Bobb’e J. has done it before and he did it better.
Promotional Power: Mediocre. That’s the problem with the “Cop Out” advertising campaign; all of the material is just mildly entertaining. There’s just so much Tracey Morgan a person can handle. If “Cop Out” isn’t downright hilarious that tolerance will plummet. See it here.
International Trailer: “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”
The Good: Unlike the domestic version, this trailer actually reveals some plot.
The Bad: The additional details bloat the sequence making it less mesmerizing than the first.
Promotional Power: The content is promising but its sloppy arrangement makes it a chore to keep up with. Regardless, fans of the 1987 original will never falter and newcomers will be captivated by the famous faces making “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” bankable. See it here.
Poster: “Why Did I Get Married Too?”
The Good: Tyler Perry’s name is on it… twice.
The Bad: This is an extremely strange cast depiction. First off, what is Tasha Smith wearing? Secondly, the smiles Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson are donning belong to serial killers. Lastly, the tagline already gets the point across - ‘Marriage is an institution they’re committed to.’ Do we really need to see the cast act it out too?
Promotional Power: Void. Tyler Perry fans will go and the rest will act as though the film never hit theaters. See it here.
Alternative: Check out the film’s simple and far more effective first poster.