Milla Jovovich and Steve Zahn are in for the honeymoon of a lifetime when their trip to Hawaii turns deadly in director David Twohy's "A Perfect Getaway." Their holiday escape is anything but when they find out there are psychopaths stalking and murdering tourists on the Pacific islands.
Honestly, what were they expecting? Didn’t they know that tropical locations are a known hot-spot for homicidal maniacs? We’ve put together the honeymoon planner’s kit detailing locations avoid if you’re not a fan of taking an axe to the face.
The tropics: Jovovich and Zahn weren’t the first couple to make the mistake of thinking a tropical vacation was a good romantic getaway. The employee’s of Coconut Pete's Coconut Beach Resort tried to protect their paradise for swingers from marauding serial killer with a grudge, quickly earning the resort it's nickname: "Club Dread." Josh Duhamel and Olivia Wilde didn’t have much better luck as "Turistas" stuck in a rural Brazilian town. Turns out that paradise can be the death of you.
Arctic regions: Think you can escape death by heading north, away from the equatorial heat? Think again. Those chainsaws and shotguns, machetes and cleaver will follow you right into colder climates. In addition to all of the normal, everyday murderers, there's frostbite and hypothermia to worry about. Not to mention supernatural forces. Alaska’s "30 Days of Night" is a perfect location for vampires to call home, and Antarctica is rumored to hold a "Thing" that’s evil, though no one makes it back to tell the tale. Maybe those nights spent canoodling around the campfire are better spent on a romantic camping trip.
Secluded woodland areas: Too bad all those trees are a perfect place for revived and severely pissed off machete-wielding psychopaths to lurk in. If you see signs for Camp Crystal Lake -- especially if you're a party-loving teen out for fun on "Friday the 13th" -- then turn in the other direction. That unfiltered wilderness hides deadly diseases as well; if you thought "Cabin Fever" was some metaphor for your honeymoon night, then you clearly haven’t spoken to Eli Roth recently.
Space: Earth is too messy. Why not turn a romantic night under the stars into a romantic night among the stars? Because space does things to people, that’s why. Since "2001," the computer in your spacecraft taking control of your ship has been a constant worry. Or worse, a time-space distortion lands you on the "Planet of the Apes." Most terrifying of all is the possibility of awakening some evil when your ship crosses an "Event Horizon" in the vicinity of a black hole. In the endless expanses of space, it’s surprising how few places there are to run and hide. Plus, there are too many "Aliens" and "Predators" out there.
Your own house: Thinking of trying to avoid the murderous rampages sweeping the nation with by snuggling with your honey bunny for a vacation at home? Think again. You aren’t safe! Lovebirds Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman found out the hard way when some "Strangers" crashed their private party. Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart thought they would be safe if they had a "Panic Room" installed, but what's the use of being locked in an impregnable room when psychopaths come a-calling? Just roll over and play dead, because there’s no avoiding someone when they’ve got it in their mind to play some "Funny Games" before they kill you.
Comments