Let's get this out of the way right now. My love for dragons? Far, far surpassed by my love for giant snake films. Dragons are easy to make scary, but it takes a little something extra to turn ordinary lawn serpents into deadly harbingers of the apocalypse.
Sometimes the oversized slithering villains are mutants, other times they're just plentiful in nature. Whereas dragon movies usually involve saving the entire race, with snake films it's nearly always more intimate...one lone hero or a group of them forced to save a town or just each other. It's just more fun.
My collection has all the usual shlock -- "Python," "Python II," "Boa," "Boa vs Python," but there's one special franchise that reigns supreme above them all...one of the few giant snake films to get not one, but two theatrical expeditions...the "Anaconda" films. The first one had the distinction of having one of the most amazing ensemble casts of all time: Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Eric Stoltz, Danny Trejo, hell even the voice of Megatron, Frank Welker. Well now get ready to add two more stars to the "Anaconda" family...David Hasselhoff and John Rhys-Davies.
That's right, the star/creator/head lifeguard of "Baywatch" is teaming with one of fandom's favorite character actors to tell the story of...well, we can't write it any better than the official synopsis so...
"Coil up on the couch and prepare yourself for more action, more danger and more snakes! The giant anacondas are back in the next chapter in the thrilling series, starring David Hasselhoff as Hammett, the ruthless mercenary and snake slayer. In a secret government compound, two mega snakes are undergoing testing by a brilliant scientist, Amanda (Crystal Allen). But when the financier, Murdoch (John Rhys-Davies), pushes the experiments too far, the snakes escape, hungry and heading for civilization. What Hammett doesn’t know is that one of the snakes is expecting a litter of slithering offspring. Now the race is on to head off the snakes’ unstoppable onslaught before they reach the city."
This will mark the first direct-to-video flick in the "Anaconda" trilogy (and the first I don't see opening day in the theater), so mark your calendars now. "Anaconda 3: Offspring" hits store shelves on October 21.
Are you looking forward to this as much as I am? As long as you aren't expecting "Godfather" (or even "Little Man), you should be in for a mindlessly fun ride. Chime in below!
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